Welcome to the Pre-Purge
Here you are – you have booked a place on an Ayahuasca retreat and you are very proud of yourself that you have summoned up the courage to take this giant leap into the Unknown. Very few, if any, people you know have done what you’re about to do so you’re feeling very excited. You’re pioneering! However, very soon a tiny voice inside your head starts to whine that you have made a mistake booking the retreat as you’re not strong enough for it. A little later the tiny voice becomes louder and tells you that you’re actually already super mega strong so you really won’t need to go. Then as the retreat date approaches it starts lashing out to your partner and family as you feel more and more anxious and apprehensive. Ultimately it has you sit down at the computer and barks that you must email the administrator with any kind of excuse as to why you can’t attend the retreat. What on earth is going on here??
As soon as you have booked a place on an Ayahuasca retreat, the pre-purge starts.
It doesn’t mean that you have to run to the bathroom all the time but rather that you start releasing a part of yourself that no longer serves you. You have been working on a healing intention and by doing that, you have told your Higher Self that now the time has come for some serious healing of ancient wounds and traumas. Your Higher Self wants nothing more than a deep connection with you so by having booked a retreat you have given your Higher Self the permission to start the deep transformative healing you so badly want and need.
Many people say that they had felt Ayahuasca calling them and that they were guided by the spirit of Ayahuasca in the following period. Since Ayahuasca is known for not just weeding our garden but pulling out the roots at the same time, she starts working on your energy field in a quantum way in unison with your Higher Self. This means that beyond our 3D reality – in the higher dimensions where Ayahuasca and the medicinal plants operate – there is no space and time continuum so the healing starts as soon as you have set your intention to be healed.
This explains why people go through a pre-purge. It shows up as fear, anxiety, emotional turmoil, crying a lot, or it may even be the kickstart of a personal crisis. Our Unhealthy Ego is not pleased with change as it prefers to hang out in the comfort zone – a carefully constructed safety net designed to keep us safe and in check. That our Expanded sense of Self gets entangled in the net and feels terribly trapped inside does not bother the Unhealthy Ego at all as it fears the Expanded Self. After all, the Expanded Self wants change! So when we are at a point of no return and we feel we want to release our trapped Expanded Self from the safety net, the Unhealthy Ego starts to throw a tantrum. All of a sudden you wonder why on earth you had chosen to go on a retreat deep in the jungle where you don’t know anyone and where you will be stuck with your head in a bucket most of the time. The place is packed with creepy spiders and eerie snakes and there are no hot showers or any comfort foods to be found for miles. Who would want to do that to themselves??
Realise that you are pre-purging when thoughts such as these pop up in your head. Especially when your retreat date approaches, the resistance can be very persistent and you might start looking for any excuse not to attend. Examples are: now is not the right time; did I choose the right healing center; should I really be spending so much money on this; my partner doesn’t want me to go, etc.
I have witnessed and experienced all of the above. A more intense form of pre-purging, however, starts as soon as people set foot on the property where our healing center is situated. Whether they participate in ceremonies or not, our guests start purging quite strongly when they are surrounded by the dense jungle. It includes 110+ known medicinal plants which have a very high vibration, so any and all energies that are stuck in your body and auric field that don’t resonate with the higher vibration of the jungle are shaken out of you. Now the body starts to release these energies through frequent bathroom visits and increased perspiration. At the mental level judgemental thoughts about your Self and others around you increase and a wave of complaints rolls out of your mouth about the extreme circumstances you find yourself in, the mosquitos, the long dark nights, the bland food, the annoying facilitator that reminds you of your mother – you name it. On the emotional plane you may find yourself crying all the time, feeling angry and frustrated for no reason, or feeling very depressed because of the relentless attacks of a harsh Inner Critic in your mind. Finally, spiritually you may find yourself unable to connect with your Higher Self because of all these wild emotions and thought loops, and the body going through a major purge. Your dreams reflect the state you are in so they can be very wild, vivid and symbolic. Some people even experience full-on lucid dreams while going through the pre-purge. So this process can be very challenging but it’s essentially a natural process of healing and alignment with Nature and your Higher Self. Just be very gentle with yourself and embrace the change!